Monday, April 30, 2007


A mere contemplation to escape weighed on my conscience. I foolishly stayed.

Fisherman's Sandwich

There were moments in Kemaman which I would like to capture in writing. Heck, I would like a note book to celebrate May. A pair of Swatch for Kamal and I to commemorate April.

Anis, my niece, is three today. The family celebrated by a pool first and in the pool later, yesterday evening. Yes, Kamal and I sacrificed a much needed sleep after a hectic week just to be with our gems in Melaka. We could properly sleep on the plush bed in Rembau afterward, we thought.

Anis swam with his father. I swam with Haris, the one-year old nephew in his so-called boya. Melaka dialect amuses me. Syiok though.

Late in the evening, as Anis played with her friends, I entertained Haris' wishes. He demanded to try everything on the playground beside the pool. His favourite was the palm tree.

I would love to buy something for Haris while searching for a birthday present for Anis, but I could not even find a decent track bottom in Mahkota Parade. It put me off and I accused Kamal's new shoes of being ugly. Yes, you will see me doing Martial Art Dance in those shoes, which means the shoes are not at all ugly.

Would you feel as jealous if he found what he wanted and you did not? The mischievous me would. Heh.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

I Love You, Ayah and Mak

My phone vibrated. Ayah's number. I was ecstatic as I was just about to call him and there he was, already calling me. It was not the first time that we thought of calling each other simultaneously. The same goes to Mak.

Ayah and Mak were departing to Kelantan. They wished I could be there with them, too. I miss them as well.

For a farewell lunch this afternoon, a colleague brought cups of homemade yogurt. The moment I saw them, I remembered Mak. She prepared such yogurt in Rembau the night before she went to Taman Pertanian Bukit Cahaya Seri Alam for a mega gathering with family members and family friends.

While preparing the yogurt, she also entertained a group of Kelantanese family members and family friends, who spent a night in Rembau prior to the gathering. She cooked, she cleaned the place, she listened to their stories, and yet she still spared some time to prepare my favourite dessert, yogurt. Overall, there were 200 cups. Oh, she also packed packages to be given to those who came.

Have you, as a child, thought how your little gestures could touch your parents' hearts? I will call Ayah and Mak more often to tell how much I love them. More importantly, I will love them always.

Wind Orchestra Wednesday

Wind Orchestra it was this morning as I suffered from aerophagia. Burp for short.

I experienced it once. Kamal made fun of the various tones I belched out then by being a conductor who instructed whether he would like to hear a short or long note. Yikes, I know, but everything is possible with him, the innocence in disguise. He was sympathetic though this morning, as he drove to the sound of ceaseless burps.

Wikipedia explains that burp syndrome is cultural-related and psychological. Therefore, I kept my mind occupied with work and only work. Voila, the syndrome was gone. Just in time for a farewell lunch.

The Division Secretary has been promoted to be the Deputy Secretary General (Administration) in another ministry. Replacing him is a personality I got to know during Public Management Diploma course.

The farewell lunch was superb. We collected a certain amount of money for the main meal and brought our specialities. Since I do not have a kitchen yet, I co-sponsored Chicken Satay with a number of colleagues. The partly potluck lunch turned into a recipe exchange session as we were enthralled by each other's speciality. The most sought-after recipe being the Chief Clerk's Nasi Bariani set and the boss' pudding. A colleague asked me to practise a meal a day once I have a complete kitchen, bring it to the office and bear the comments from the food experts, who have dealed with various caterers for numerous meetings and seminars.

I behaved well by not indulging in every carbohydrate and sugar in the spread. The Secretary General, who was the guest of honour, reminded us the importance of staying fit in order to work more efficiently. He religiously goes to the gymnasium, anyway. My, I can't wait for my first Cardio Mind class.

Oh, I am ranting, I realise. That is what I could do about my regret of not driving on my own this morning. Now, I have to blog in the office instead of being at the gymnasium. Not to mention having to wait for my ride, whose meeting only finishes late at night, by going round and round the miniscule Alamanda. Fortunately, my hair needs a cut. Unfortunately, my hair needs a cut. Fortunate because I have an activity in the complex. Unfortunate because I feel like going to Marks & Spencer, yet it would be the closing time the moment I arrive.

Back to happy mood. I am flying to Kuantan tomorrow evening as a facilator for PTD Assessment Centre. The next week, to INTAN Sabah, for the same purpose. I will surely miss Kamal, but absence makes the heart grows fonder and fonder. Ah, the wonders of the surprises when I get back in his arms.

Happy holiday, chums.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

When in Doubt, Dance in the Moonlight

I had an issue at work to which a chum remarked, "you have been hypocrite."

Two chums shared their two cents, which was priceless, during lunch. Another chum was being so sweet simply by being there with her soothing tone on the phone when I cried. Seeing my red eyes upon greeting me for a dinner date, Kamal, with a concerned expression, carefully asked, "did you just get your period?"

I had to smile at that. I wanted to share my frustration but ended up crying instead that I had to excuse myself to go to the ladies', to dab the tear streak. When I reached for his hand again, I requested a joke from him. All it took was an antic and I was my cheerful self again. Later, I told him how I felt lighter after talking to the right people.

I can't share the cause of my depression here for if I wanted to share, I would have shared months ago. Furthermore, it will only complicate the matter. Those occurred yesterday anyway.

Today, I had a professional talk with my boss. She was reluctant to let me go for reasons that surprised yet flattered me, but understood why I needed to because she herself faced similar issue back in her old office. To those who listened, a heartfelt thank you. To Mas, I was expecting you to be more sympathetic and buy me lunch. Heh.

Being depressed, I was tempted to savour all the Camior and Hershey's there were. To my surprise, I agreed to Kamal's invitation for a salad instead. Oh, I did indulge in Auntie Anne's pretzel and passion fruit drink as dessert, but at least, I did not savour all the Camior and Hershey's there were.

I further surprised myself by changing last night's plan, from surrendering myself to television to recceing a fitness center. Kamal and I have decided to commit to a healthier lifestyle. We have taken the first step by deciding what we really want with our career, moving slowly but surely. The second step is to exercise regularly as we attempt healthy diet. Yes, we have decided to sign up for the programmes in the fitness center.

Next, we are looking forward to building a home in our new haven. No great expectations. Just sheer motivation.

Ah, being depressed at work is a blessing, really.

*I love Patch Adams.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Dr. Grin

Three ways to encourage your husband to brush his teeth before going to sleep at night:

1. Get him an electric toothbrush so that he could never complaint that he is too tired to move the toothbrush left and right, up and down, here and there.

2. Always be prepared with Dentyne by the bedside.

3. If all else, including unlisted alternatives, fail, do not get into that sexy lingerie ;p

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Whim and Fancy, Mine and Yours.

How sweet it is that Kamal held my hand before he fell asleep and is still holding it as he is soundly sleeping, possibly dreaming of making up after a misunderstanding.

Oh, we were tired. The programme was a success but I was feeling under the weather most of the time that I felt exceedingly knackered. I even had to close an eye to the dirty dishes and let a friend took the lead although washing dirty dishes has always been a task I favour. Kamal was probably most tired of attending to my whim and fancy.

In return, I will buy you your favourite Pau Goreng Inti Kacang and the best Nasi Kerabu for dinner. Anything at your whim and fancy, darling.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Satar dan Lekor

I am back from Cherating. Being there with fellow new officers from the ministry, as well as new friends from polytechnics and community colleges, was fun. Mainly because we knew how to have fun. As for the course, there was a lot of room for improvement, including the venue. Impiana Resort used to be lovely. There was a day when my friends and I preferred the Satar and Lekor at a particular stall in Kemaman, as compared to the buffet spread in the resort.

I am back anyway and I am happy. How I missed Kamal. I missed him so much so that I decided to give his favourite game, Sudoku, a complete try, as opposed to solving it half way whenever I played it with him. Thanks to a colleague who believed in my talent with numbers, and another colleague, who supplied the sets, I am now at intermediate level after only four attempts. Oh, do have a ball of time laughing at my ignorance. While others have picked up the game since Jurassic age, I am only catching up a million years later.

I read a book, too. Dina Zaman's composition somehow inspired me to write in a non-blog medium. I am going to get myself a new notebook for that purpose. Besides that, I am looking for a new notebook for my Sudoku as I can't copy the sets in my office notebook.

Once the course was over, the first thing I did was to call my boss and verbally applied for a two-day leave. She approved it and I celebrated with Kamal by stopping by Seremban R&R on the way back to Rembau. We feasted on Siput Sedut Masak Lomak Cili Api. By the way, we headed for Rembau because Kamal needed to take the spices for Friday's barbeque from my mother.

Yes, we are having a mega gathering, as I term it, for our family members and family friends from Kelantan, Terengganu, Pahang, Perak, Melaka, Negeri Sembilan and even Sarawak. By 'we', I mean the family members and family friends of the Klang Valley chapter. My parents-in-law will be there as well.

Have a great weekend, ya.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Ku Bawa Dirimu Walau Diriku Jauh

Apocalypto inspires me to remember the God within, always.

I am off to Cherating. It will be Wednesday before I see Kamal again. Therefore, I planned a breakfast date with him.

I love you. Yes, I know I will find you within me, too.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007


The Secretary General has instructed the division to conduct another workshop for the document, starting tomorrow at a place out of 25km radius from Putrajaya, yet still reachable from the office as the Secretary General himself would monitor the progress from time to time. This time around, there are only us. No stakeholders. On Friday, the document will be handed to the Minister.

The next day, a group of new officers in the ministry, which include me, will be going for a compulsory induction course in Cherating. Until Wednesday. Then, there will be two weekends occupied with PTD Assessment Centres, as I have mentioned in the previous post.

Now, I am not sure whether my leave application for an appointment on April 20 would be approved by the immediate boss. She herself has cancelled her one-week leave, which was postponed last week due to the ad-hoc instructions from the Minister's Office. Yet, my gynaecologist advises me to get a good rest prior to an important appointment. Oh, even Kamal will have to sneak in around my schedule to date me.

What would give me utmost joy in life?

I always thought whether or not I would remain in the Government for another 30 years. I was half serious when I told Kamal about my wish to take care of our children instead of letting them be cared for by strangers. I would love to simply be there when they need a parent.

Of course, Kamal and I have to be idealistic at the moment, but I pray that we will find pathways towards our aspiration. They may merely be ideas, but achievements start from an idea, eh.

Anyway, first things first.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Binge, Again

I confessed to Kamal that I have been naughty. I scoured for something I intended to delete. Forever. Just because I tend to wonder about the if. Ah, binge thinking. Tok Ayah, according to Kamal, was wise to advise, "never ask the if questions because what is meant to be, be."

On a different misdeed, I have not commenced refining yet another minute of meeting. Maybe I would like to bask in delight over my gynaecologist's words. That this week must be about celebrating love. Excited, excited, excited. Sung with that move. It has been a busy week anyway and I am not eager to engage this happy mood with any academical matter.

Nonetheless, such thought reminds me about a picture of us, the secretariat, with him, the Minister, when we were in Colmar Tropicale last weekend for the ministry's most important document. He looked happy. We looked happy as well, but tired. It is going to be a busy April with a five-day induction starting this Saturday, a series of PTD Assessment Centres in Terengganu and Sabah, a mega family gathering in Bukit Cahaya Seri Alam, and appointments with my gynaecologist.

Last but not least, April is about kitchen cabinet and interior design a la Camus and Chech as we are getting the key to our new home. Excited, excited, excited. More excitement: Ayah and Mak brought back sumptuous cheese from Amsterdam.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007


We are what we write. Reading my blog, I conclude that my mind is cluttered. As much as I need a filing cabinet at home to sort out personal documents, I am also in dire need of a system to organise my transcribed thoughts.

The clutter might have been caused by binge thinking. No thanks to being highly imaginative as I tend to worry, unnecessarily, about the future impact of the past or the past impact on the future. There. It does sound complicated. I had better stick to the maxim 'Enjoy the Now'.

No binge thinking.
Enjoy the now.

At work, a new major project is gaining momentum. Papers here, there, and everywhere. The ironic to paperless, or at least, less paper government. That aside, I have neglected the simplest formula to enhance one's productivity: Kaizen concept.

Now, I shall:


set in order